Thoughts of an Impatient Mind

Believe it or not, but I am a very impatient person. Not with others. I am very patient with people because my cynic self tells me I shouldn’t rely on anybody else anyway (before any of you get offended: there are a few exceptions – very few). But when it comes to things I need to do, I need to achieve, I am very impatient. I cannot catch a break with myself. I’m my own worst critic. I can’t do anything to my fullest satisfaction.

That’s a tough mindset. But it also encourages you to get better all the time.

Having said that, it goes without saying that sitting at “home”, doing nothing but writing job applications is hard for me. I do what I can but there’s no progress because, well, I depend on others in this case.

You might be thinking now: but you keep talking about all those other projects of yours. What happened? Well, that’s the problem. Nothing’s happening. Because I’m waiting for people there, too.

– I am waiting to hear back about a potential part-time job opportunity as an independent contractor for a start-up. They will get back to me once their legal assistance confirms that my visa allows me to work as an independent contractor.

– I am waiting to hear back from potential podcast guests. I’ve sent out emails last week, but nobody’s answered so far.

– My bank cancelled my credit card and I have no clue why. There was no suspicious activity, I’ve only tried to purchase convocation pictures through the university – which wouldn’t accept a credit card issued in Germany, so it got declined. Once. Is that enough to cancel a credit card? Apparently. So they’ll send a new one to my dad’s house and he is in South Africa on vacation. So I won’t get that card until mid-December.

– Last, but not least: the job hunt (see above).

So there you go. I am waiting. All I can do is do the same things over and over again: write applications, write emails. Then sit on my ass and wait. Impatient, depressed and wondering what the fuck I’m doing. I’m so tired of this, of everything.

But what can you do?

Now excuse me. I need to write more emails. And job applications.

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